Harry Potter: and the child prodigy kidnapper
by Fan of Fan Fic
Summary: WOW What an original mix! Who would've thought about putting Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter into the SAME STORY? Well, me I guess. So what happens when Harry "visits" the Fowl Manner as an exchange student? Please R&R. COMPLETE! Should there be a sequel?
1. Harry in a limo

**Disclaimer: all of these characters belong to either Eoin Colfer or JK Rowling.**

Harry Potter sat silently by himself wishing that he were anywhere other than the Dursleys. Anywhere, that is, except for the bad places that he didn't want to be. He had sent letters to his friends Hermione and Ron, which had been answered, but still that was hardly enough entertainment for a whole summer. Slouching on to his bed, he stared up at the ceiling. "I wish something would happen." He said to himself. After all, nothing had happened at the Dursley's for a long time, other then the fact that Dudley had lost two pounds and Harry's aunt, Petunia had started to be snoopier than usual.

Harry suddenly stood up. What was that noise? There were voices coming from outside of his window. He supposed that it was just the neighbors, or the mail man. But because he was so bored he decided to check, just incase it was somebody magical.

"Of course I'm positive. This is the place, I assure you." said a boy, around Harry's age. The youth was just as pale, if not paler, than Draco Malfoy, and his hair was dark which gave him the appearance of a vampire. Harry was sure that the boy was crazy, for he was talking to the air next to his head, as if there was something invisible hovering there. Harry was reminded of the time when he had snuck into Hogsmeade wearing his invisibility cloak. Hermione and Ron must've appeared the same way as this kid. A thought struck Harry. It was possible that there was somebody under an invisibility cloak standing down there. He could check. Maybe he could just pass by and say something like "Muggle." That was the word Wizards used for non-magical people. It would be worth it, even if the person took it as an insult and pounded Harry to a pulp. He was very desperate for news from Hogwarts. He quickly stepped out of his room and ran down the stairs and out the door. He'd better hurry if he wanted to talk to the weird boy. But Harry need not have worried, for the Vampire boy was still standing there, although he'd stopped talking to himself. Harry casually walked by and acted as if he were just muttering some jibberish to himself. When he approached the boy he said "Muggles!" And kept on walking.

"ahem." Said the Vampire kid when Harry had walked about 20 feet passed him. Harry jumped around.

"A word please if you don't mind mr-"

"Potter, I'm Harry Potter." Said Harry eagerly holding out his hand. The boy accepted although he did make a slightly disturbed noise when he saw Harry's nails.

"I thought as much." He said. "Pleased to meet you Mr. Potter. My name is Artemis Fowl. I'd like to talk with you about the school that you go to, that is if you know what I'm talking about." Artemis said.

"Oh yes!" said Harry almost bouncing with excitement. "You mean Hogwarts, the magical secret school that only us wizards know about...right?"

Artemis chuckled to himself. It had been easier then he'd thought it would be. The boy...that is, Harry, Had blurted out a very big secret in the magical world. In fact, a few very big secrets and the most impressive thing is that he had done it all in one sentence.

"Yes Mr. Potter, the one only us wizards know about. Now if you'd like to join me in here-"He pointed to his very long limo.

"Sure! Who's under the invisibility cloak?!?" Harry blurted out.

"Fowl!" Came a voice above Harry's head. "You said he wouldn't notice!" Suddenly a faerie...or something appeared next to Harry's shoulder.

"No need to be worried Holly." Said Artemis, in a superior to Harry sort of tone that Harry was used to. "This is who we came for. I've secured the Limo so that he will not be able to escape, and if he does.." Artemis gave Holly a look and she gave it back, showing that they understood one another.

Harry, despite what he'd just heard, stepped calmly into the limo and sunk into one of the cushy seats. It was a lot better than riding his broom or taking the night bus.

"Hold on," Said Harry. "I'd really like to get my stuff before we go to Hogwarts. Gee, I've never been at Hogwarts during the summer, I bet it's really weird."

"Just what makes you think that we are going to Hogwarts? You, are coming with me to the Fowl mansion in Ireland, although you can hardly expect me to tell you where exactly." Artemis said evilly. To his surprise, Harry paid no attention to the evilness.

"I hear ya." He said. "Me, I'm always losing my way when I try to get back to the Gryffindor common room after classes...and breakfast...and lunch...oh! And dinner."

Artemis scowled. This Potter fellow was proving to be more trouble than he was worth.

"I meant, that in the case that I were to tell you where this manner is, then I would not want YOU to tell anybody else. It is a great secret. Even so, I am not the type that would lose my way while trying to get there. I after all, have the highest IQ in Europe and probably in the world." Artemis waited for his statement to sink in.

"Uh huh," said Harry, taking a sip of the scotch he'd found in the mini bar of the Limo. He spit it out immediately. "What is this stuff!?!" he asked choking on the taste it had left in his mouth. Artemis sighed.

"Artemis?" asked Holly who was sitting next to him. "Why are you doing this? Isn't it just as bad as kidnapping me? I thought that you had stopped these evil schemes. What if something happens to butler again? I don't have enough magic at the moment to heal him."

"Don't worry, Butler's only going to drive us. Juliet has offered to help, since her wrestling auditions haven't been going so well. Holly?" Asked Artemis. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You offered to help me, don't forget it. This plan could stop the undercover war going on between the Wizards and the People. I'll need all the help I can get, especially with him." By Him, Artemis had meant Harry.

"Artemis!?" asked Harry, he was a bit suspicious of this kid, and out of his excitement he'd barely taken in a word of anything he'd said. He could only assume that The Fowl mansion was code for a secret wizarding village or school perhaps, but the whispering between him and the house elf was really annoying him.

"What is it now?" asked Artemis. His voice sounded annoyed, although his face stayed as straight and emotionless as ever.

"It's just that you and your house elf are doing an awful lot of whispering. I'd like to know just what is going on. And, if you will let me get my stuff NOW!"

"Potter, your 'stuff' will be arriving at Fowl manner. Please calm down. I will explain, if you wish, seeing as how you have not caught on yet." Artemis said smoothly. Harry thought this over. To him it seemed that this Fowl guy and his super elf side kick were kidnapping him, but a mansion still sounded better than the Dursleys.

"Ok, but I think I've got a pretty good idea of what you're doing."

"Really?" asked Artemis, although he looked dubious. "At any rate, I'm not going to waste the precious time we have on your absurd deductions."

Harry remained silent. He wondered for a brief second whether Artemis Fowl was a death eater, but that was definitely an absurd idea. After all, what harm could this 13 or 14 year old Irish kid do? "Yeah?" Harry went on, not to be intimidated by this minor, "Yeah, I bet you think you're pretty smart."

"highest I.Q. in-"

"Europe, yeah yeah," Harry muttered, "But you don't know Hermione Granger, she's pretty smart!"

"How smart?" Artemis asked, he would've been grinning except that he was above such show off nonsense. "Can you prove your claim? Has she taken an I.Q. test?"

"er.." Harry grumbled, he could feel himself getting angry with this Artemis character, plus he was getting the vague feeling that the new wizard was up to no good. He tried to think of what his friends Hermione and Ron would say.

Hermione would say something like "Are you a complete idiot? You know that the dark lord is after you and you just let yourself be kidnapped by a complete stranger whose smarter than me?"

Ron would say something like "Are you a complete idiot? You know that the-"

"Yeah yeah!" Harry shouted making Artemis jump.

"Yeah what?" Artemis asked in confusion, he didn't appreciate bad grammar in his limo and he certainly did not like shouting...on the other hand, bad grammar was what made so many in the world below him, and this made him chuckle which made Holly jump.

"They're all geeks," Holly muttered, noting the grammar giggler and the messy haired four eyes.

Harry could not think of why this git was laughing...or to give it a better description, giggling. He felt the anger growing inside of him. He reached for the nearest bottle and took a swig. This was accidental and, as it turned out, a big mistake.

"Water!" he gasped. "WATER!" his face turned bright red and he began to sweat. Artemis watched with amusement. Harry Potter had given him quite a few laughs for only being with them for five minutes. Maybe he wouldn't mind having Mr. Potter around as much as he'd first suspected. After a minute or so of watching Harry roll around on the car floor, his face the color of commander Root's, Artemis gave him some water. Only tap water though, because Artemis was saving the good Irish spring water for himself.

"What was that?" asked Harry after he'd taken three huge gulps of water. "Fire whiskey or something?!?"

"Actually Mr. Potter, It is the regular type. It is quite surprising that it had that affect on you, seeing as how this brand is mostly water."

"Hmph!" said Harry, slouching back into his seat. "Let me out!"

"I'm afraid that that would be impossible. The doors of this limo are all locked. To escape you would have to enter quite a complex code and pass the voice activated-"

"Aloha mora." Said Harry taking out his wand. The door unlocked immediately, and Harry opened it to find-

"AHHHHHHH!!!" He hadn't even realized that the car was moving. How come they couldn't feel it inside the car. He looked to Artemis for some explanation but Artemis was staring dumbfounded in the seat opposite him.

"Artemis?" asked Holly. "Artemis, are you okay?"


	2. Fowl Manor

Holly slapped his face when he didn't reply. It didn't help much. Artemis seemed to be having such a hard time comprehending what had just happened that he had retreated to a far place inside himself. He awoke a few minutes later after having a piece of chocolate stuffed down his throat. He choked and in spite of himself, swallowed the waxy chocolate indignantly.

"Artemis!!!" Cried a voice. "Artemis, what happened? What did that Potter do to you? First I heard the alarm go off when he opened the door and so I pulled over and he was stuffing chocolate in your mouth..." It was Butler, Artemis's manservant who had previously been a very good body guard. The best of the best.

"Oh, nothing Butler," Said Artemis. "Just the heat I guess. Couldn't think for a second." He was still sitting upright and he saw that Harry potter seemed to feel threatened for he had his wand out and was pointing it at Butler.

"Heat?" Asked Holly, rolling her eyes. "It's about 30 degrees Fahrenheit in here. I'd say he had a mind block for a second there."

Artemis ignored Holly's accusations and studied Harry for a second.

"Don't come any nearer." Harry said. "I know who you work for! You work for Voldemort!"

Artemis flinched at the name.

"What! Scared of your master's name are you?"

"No, it's just that you spit on me when you said it. Go on, are you frightened Mr. Potter?"

"You wish!"

"Wish!" Artemis snorted, "I don't wish. I do. Wishing never got anybody anywhere-"

"It appears that he just wished the door open," Holly said unhelpfully.

"Holly!" Artemis snapped, "I was just explaining to little Harry Potter the importance of doing things the old fashioned way."

It was Butler who snorted next, "and you call an eternity code 'old fashioned'?"

"Well," Harry huffed, "Somebody better tell me what's going on now or I'll...I'll"

"explode?" Holly asked hopefully.

"Fair point," Artemis nodded, "Alright Potter, I can see that we must let you in on a secret."

Harry's heart leapt for joy, oh boy, secrets! "We could exchange a few," He smiled, "I have loads, like Neville's parents being retarded in St. Mungos, or how my life must either include or end in murder or how Sirius Black was innocent or-"

"I hardly care," Artemis had returned to his lofty, mature voice.

"I must tell you though, that nothing in this kidnapping includes Voldemort, and it might also be helpful for you to know that I'm not a wizard, though I believe your Hermione Granger would have figured that out the moment she met me."

"Yeah.." Harry shrugged, and then shouted "MY TURN!" and so Harry spilled out all of his information about himself and everything he knew about wizards and about how the prime minister knew about wizards and so on and so forth until Artemis was quite convinced that he was dealing with an insane person.

"Mr.Potter!" Said Holly, after many attempts to slow the boy down. "We have bigger fish to fry, although what you've told Artemis may determine the fate of the Wizarding world. Now please, just shut up!"

Harry shut his mouth immediately and turned his attention to Holly.

"Excuse me, but I was just about to tell you about Gringotts the Wizarding bank!"

"But-" Artemis stopped Holly before she could say anything more.

"Go on Mr. Potter, what about this wizarding bank? How accesable is it?" Artemis was very interested when it came to money. If he could find out enough about a bank or a corporation, then he would also find a way to make it go bankrupt. It wasn't that he needed money, after all, his was the richest family in Ireland, but Gold. Gold was what he really wanted. He'd already robbed the people of theirs, or most of it at least. If he could find a way to make Harry blab about it (which was easy enough) then he could find a way to rob it.

"Oh, you can't get in there without powerful dark magic. Only a very few have ever done that. The goblins keep it locked up."

Said Harry, still searching for some way out. Butler had begun to drive a while ago after hearing only two of Harry's secrets.

"What about computers. Surely they keep their records on a computer."

Harry shook his head. "Electricity doesn't really work in magical areas. The magic is too powerful."

Artemis almost went into one of his trances again, but instead said "Perfectly understandable. It only makes sense that the magical energy currents would interrupt the electrical currents." But it didn't really make sense in his head.

"Yeah," Harry continued, "Well, I mean, I wouldn't know, but I suspect you're right, you having that highest I.Q. in Europe thingy,I bet Hermione knows, hey! You want to hear another secret?"

"No!" said Holly and Artemis together.

"Harry, do you know that there is a war going on between the Wizards and the People?" asked Holly, but she already doubted that he did.

"You mean muggles and wizards?" asked the boy, now giving them his full attention.

"No," replied Holly. "I mean between the People and Wizards."

"And who are 'the people'?" asked Harry, sarcastically.

"The People," said Artemis "are also magical, although they work with electricity as well. They are a highly advanced race of people and they are at war with the Wizards like yourself." Artemis sat back, and successfully hid his smugness with having been able to explain the people better than Holly herself.

"Hmph!" Said Holly under her breath.

Harry sat for a moment, thinking about what was going on.

"Artemis, does this war have anything to do with...me?" Harry thought that this wasn't a completely absurd idea, but Artemis and Holly both burst out laughing.

"You mud boy!?!" asked Holly. "I don't see why YOU would have anything to do with it."

Harry's face grew red. "What did you call me?!?"

"Mud-boy." Said Holly slowly, making sure he understood.

"I am not a mud blood! You take it back!" he withdrew his wand and pointed it at the LEP officer. But in one swift movement, Holly had twisted it out of his hands.

"I didn't call you a 'mud blood'." She said, holding the wand away from Harry. "Fowl, this boy has already caused us enough trouble, I say that we do a basic mind wipe and send him back to his aunt and uncle's house." Artemis thought for a moment, Yes, Potter was proving to be rather difficult, but also entertaining.

"Holly, it's a bit late for changing our minds now. We're already home." Artemis leaned down and muttered a code, and punched a few numbers. The door slid open and they all stepped outside.

Harry gasped. Fowl manner was at least three times as big as Hogwarts! "Holy Shi-"

Artemis gave a sharp hiss at the language, "Must you be so loud? And must you use such profanity? My parents are home today and you are to be my British exchange student I- Hold on I just thought of something, Butler!"

Butler came rushing over, "What?"

"How did we get from England all the way to Ireland in twenty minutes with out having to get out to board a plane or boat?"

Butler shrugged and looked at Holly who shrugged and looked at Harry who looked at a caterpillar getting eaten by a large group of ants on the pavement. When Harry looked up he took advantage of the shocked stillness and grabbed his wand from Holly's hand. "Want to hear another secret?" He asked.

Artemis was about to tell Potter to shut up (in a more dignified manner of course) When he heard a loud cough from the door of the house. There stood Artemis's parents. His mother Angeline Fowl gave a shriek and rushed over to Harry. "So this is our exchange student! DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?" She asked Harry in big gushy words.

"I am English." Harry said, taking a step or two away from Mrs. Fowl. "I COME FROM ENGLAND!" He said in an equally undermining tone.

"Good," Angeline smiled, "Well that makes things easy....I- OH MY GOSH WHAT IS THAT?" She pointed a finger at Holly Short and gaped.

"Er...now now Mother," Artemis said, "Its not nice to gawk at short people, you remember...Juliette."

Angeline gave a glance at Butler, then at Holly, then at Butler again. "Uh..Oh yes, I remember now, some how I remembered Juliette being taller, and with out the silly outfit."

Holly struggled not to blast Angeline's head off and smiled a bit manically.

"So," Angeline clapped her hands together and smiled at Harry again, "What is this dear fellow's name?"

Harry felt a bit awkward, everybody in the wizarding community would take one look at the scar on his forehead and immediately say "You're Harry Potter!" but in the muggle world he was a less than average guy, most muggles were not aware that he had nearly defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort as a baby.

"Er...Harry Potter." Harry answered, for some odd reason he felt some how insulted that Angeline had not yet noticed his scar. He did indeed have a very interesting scar, maybe his bangs were in the way, he brushed his hair out of his face but it appeared that Mrs. Fowl did not care.

"Now Arty," A man very similar looking to Artemis Fowl patted Artemis on the back, "I had no idea you were bringing an exchange student, how...Exciting."

But by the tone in his voice Harry doubted very much that the man was 'excited'.


	3. The phone call

Hehe, thanks for the reviews, here's another strange chapter...oh, and by the way...

Disclaimer: (mumbles) I don't own any of the characters in this story...

**Chapter 3**

"Oh yes Father, It came as quite a surprise to us all now if you don't mind I'm going to take Harry to see the Dungeons-er, I mean my room. You know, show him around."

"Alright Arty!" His father gave him another slap on the back, Artemis was feeling a little undermined at the moment,

"Its Artemis, Dad, not Arty," He picked his father's hands away from his shoulder and dragged Harry with him into the house, Holly following in a somewhat bad temper, muttering "Silly outfit? It's LEP! Silly indeed,"

As the four of them walked through the very large house Harry began to feel very small. This "house" if house is what you could call it, was so over powering that by the time they had gotten to Artemis's room, Harry felt dizzy.

"How many people live here?" He asked flopping down on to Artemis's extremely neat $100,000 comforter.

"Four, Butler, mother, father and myself."

"And her?" Asked Harry pointing to Holly Short.

"Me? Live in this house?!? You'd have to lock me in a room to keep me here...and that doesn't always work either." She said smiling at Artemis. It had been one of the child prodigy's greatest mistakes when he had tried to lock holly up and hold her ransom for faerie gold. She'd gotten away within a day of being locked up. Artemis didn't appear to find it funny at all, immediately He sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. "So Harry," He said while he typed away, "Lets hear more of your...secrets."

"Okay!" said Harry eagerly. "Well I do have this super secret crush on-"

"Not THOSE secrets!" snapped Holly. "I think what we want to hear is more along the lines of how the wizarding world is doing."

"Oh," said Harry. "Erm...well technically I'm not supposed to tell muggles about it."

"What?! But you just told us pretty much everything on the ride here! All we want to know is about the wizarding army and who the leader might be."

"Voldemort maybe...but I can't tell you about dumbledore's army...that's a BIG secret...Holly, wasn't it?"

"Yes mud boy. And if you won't tell us then I'll have to put you under the mesmer!"

Harry didn't think that sounded very nice. "Fine." He said. "But let me contact my friends first. Do you have a telephone anywhere close without me having to walk 3 miles down the hall?"

Artemis pointed to a telephone on his dresser and Harry went to call Hermione.

"Hello?" asked a voice on the other line. It was a mans voice and Harry supposed it must be Hermione's father.

"Hi, is Hermione there? Tell her it's Harry and I desperately need to talk with her."

"Harry potter?" Asked the Man.

"yes."

"Ok, hold on." Harry waited. This kidnapping thing seemed all wrong. Why was Artemis letting him call anybody and why wasn't he tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth yet? There was something else going on. He was just lucky that they had bought all that crap about his secrets. Like he'd really tell them where Hogwarts was! Hmph, what did they take him for...an idiot?

"Hello Harry, what's going on? Dad told me it was urgent! Are you alright?"

"Yes...well no...sort of. You see I've been kind of...kidnapped."

"What? Where are you? How did you escape? Were they holding you hostage?" Hermione asked urgently.

"Well...I haven't escaped." Whispered Harry. "Their letting me do whatever I want. We're at a HUGE house in Ireland and I'm with a kid called Artemis Fowl."

"They've captured other kids as well? This is horrible. I'm going to send a letter to Dumbledore and the ministry of magic right away...no, that won't be fast enough...er I know, I'll perform illegal magic."

"No, wait Hermione. Artemis Fowl IS the kidnapper. He's only 13 or 14 years old. I can perform illegal magic here if I get desperate but I want to know what's going on first. But I think you should send a message to Dumbledore. Just tell him that I'm alright and...hold on a second."

Hermione heard Harry put the phone down and then walk off. He picked up the phone a few minutes later and said "Butler will pick you up tomorrow at five-o-clock."

"Who? What?!? Pick me up? You want me to be kidnapped too?"

"Well it's not bad or anything. There are seventeen pools in this house, a hundred and eighty rooms and a library that's the size of the quittich field!"

"I'll pack right now. Do you think that Butler could get Ron as well?"

"Yes, I think so. I'll see you tomorrow, bye...oh, and stay clear of Artemis's parents. They don't know you're coming and they're sort of creepy."

"Right, bye." And Harry heard the phone click on the other line. When Harry turned to Holly and Artemis they were both deep in conversation about something.

"Er...I think I'll go to bed now." Said Harry. "Where do I sleep?"

Artemis looked up. "Room 37, here's the key." He handed it to Harry and continued his conversation.

Harry left feeling as if this place was possibly better than Hogwarts itself. He'd even be able to see his friends the next day. Meanwhile Artemis and Holly were more of arguing than conversing.

"What kind of kidnapper are you?" Holly snapped, "You're letting him use the phone? His friends are coming over?"

"Well you were against the kidnapping idea in the first place, Captain Short, plus the more wizards we have the more information we have."

"That's ridiculous!" Holly said, "You heard Potter! He says that he'll use illegal magic if he has to, now how are we supposed to cope with three wizards performing illegal magic?"

"With any luck you'll be doing the magic first," Artemis said, "We'll need a mesmer."

"If I didn't know any better," Holly gave him a half smirk, "I'd say you're just letting Potter get his own room complete with play station and direct access to a pool because you want a few friends around you're age to play with."

Artemis opened his mouth with what was sure to be a petty contradiction and closed it again. His gaze returned to the computer screen, "Its really quite late Captain Short, I suggest you go home now so that I can get some sleep. Come to think of it, I'm rather tired."

The next day Harry got up and almost forgot that he wasn't at the Dursley's or at Hogwarts. Harry had always imagined that being kidnapped would be well...messier. For one thing, he probably would not have had his own room with everything that Dudley could only dream of getting and he would most definitely have not been able to invite his closest friends over. Perhaps Artemis wasn't as bad as Harry had originally thought. He was still fully dressed from the day before, but as he looked around he saw that all of his things had been sent to his room. He found a note taped to his trunk. It read:

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_Your owl, Hedwig, has been sent to the bird dome. She is being sufficiently provided for and you will be able to see her after breakfast. Please meet Artemis in the south dining hall so that he can give you a tour of the house and show you where your friends will be staying._

_Yours, sincerely Butler._

Harry changed quickly and flew out of the door...literally. He certainly wasn't going to walk all the way to the south side of the house, so he took his broomstick instead. It took him an hour to find the south Dining room. When he arrived he could see that breakfast had already been served. Artemis sat at the end of a long table, nearly as long as the house tables at Hogwarts. Harry stifled a laugh. Artemis looked like some spoiled pampered prince or something. Harry thought about it for a second and realized that Artemis WAS a spoiled pampered prince.

Artemis retained his urge to laugh at the sight of Harry riding his broomstick all the way to the south dining hall, he had been watching by surveillance cameras and especially liked it when Harry had gotten lost and started heading north again. Harry floated about five feet off of the ground and smirked at the child genius in front of him.

"Is there something that you would like to say?" Asked Artemis, staring in wonder at Harry's childish grin.

"Nope,...er...no. I mean, what time is it?" Harry was finding it hard to hide his amusement.

"It is ten O clock Mr. Potter. Extremely late in the day for me, but not everybody has a high enough IQ I suppose, to be at breakfast on time."

"Why? What time was I supposed to be here?"

"Nine O clock."

"Oh, right well I sorta got lost on my way here."

Artemis almost gave in to the absurd idea of actually smiling.

"I noticed. Why don't you grab some toast...use a napkin! So that we can eat and walk at the same time. I'll bring you to see your precious predatory bird. I might also add that she ruined a very nice Armani suit of mine when she arrived. You shall be paying for all damages of course. Ten thousand pounds I should say. She did after all cough up mouse legs on the seat of the pants,"

"Er...I can't-"

"After we visit your owl of course, I shall have to go meet Holly. You'll be on your own till five, so please keep to your room and pool only. If you bump into my parents tell them that I'm busy. They will be outraged if they find I've left you."

Harry frowned.

"Artemis, can't I just come with you? I promise that well...I won't be so loopy like yesterday. And won't your parents find out anyhow?"

Artemis shook his head. "No and no. Now lets go see...what was her name? Hedwig, right."

"Why do you want to see her so much?" asked Harry. Artemis did not answer.

After they'd gone and fed two frozen mice to Hedwig, and Artemis had given the poor bird a lecture about Armani suits, Harry bid Artemis farewell and headed off down the hall on his broom. Halfway there he decided to walk, and it was lucky he had for at that moment Angeline and Artemis Fowl (the first) turned a corner and nearly knocked Harry over.


	4. The Credit Card

**Thanks for the reviews fellow fanfic writers. I hope that you like this next chapter! Please review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the characters below. **

**Chapter Four: The credit card**

"Oh, Hello." Harry politely said, "Sorry for the fright." Angeline was clutching her chest.

"Yes well, Good morning Howard Potter wasn't it?" Said Artemis senior, but didn't give Harry a chance to correct him. "Where's Arty? Shouldn't he be with you?"

"Erm...yes. But he's...uh...busy right now." Harry leaned against a door trying to hide the broom from view. The Fowls both looked at the door and nodded.

"Oh, I see. Well tell him not to take to long in there, and have fun." Then they walked on. Harry sighed and glanced at the door.

_Men's Bathroom. _"Well that worked out nicely." Harry said to himself.

As soon as Artemis's parents were out of sight Harry got on to his broom. "No sense in letting all of this space go to waste," He said, trying to justify his want to terrorize the mansion, "I am, after all, in need of practice." Harry's favorite sport in the whole world was quidditch, a game in the wizarding world which you played on broomsticks. Harry's broomstick was his pride and joy, a Firebolt! The same kind of broom used by the pro's! He kicked off of the floor and whooshed away down the hall (the opposite direction of his host's parents) and down to the pool where he could practice the sloth grip with no worries.

"So," Holly looked skeptically at Artemis, "Have you found out any more about Potter or have you two been playing video games all morning?"

"That joke was in poor taste," Artemis remarked, "As it is Potter arrived one hour late for breakfast while he zoomed down my hallways on his floating cleaning utensil, we barely had time to feed his chicken." Artemis chuckled, he had made a joke!

Holly raised an eyebrow, aware that she shouldn't have been lectured on jokes of bad taste. "So you've just been feeding birds all this time?"

"No!" Artemis said defensively, "We ate toast, and...Potter had Jam on his so that took extra time-don't look at me like that! We've got a whole day ahead of us, with more wizards on the way to interrogate!"

"Artemis, tell me something, will you? When did you go from child prodigy, highest IQ , evil mastermind thingy, to overly defensive, whiny brat who complains endlessly about bird droppings on a stupid suit?!?"

Artemis was about to defend himself, but realized that would only give Holly another reason to call him...what was it? Oh yes, a whiny brat.

"Very well Holly, what has Foaly unearthed?" Asked Artemis "Since you are so eager to prove your efficiency with gathering information."

"er...Foaly and I...well..." Artemis raised an eyebrow. She straightened herself up. "We discovered lots of things having to do with the war." This was followed by a silence.

"And what might that be captain Short?" Artemis finally said.

"Er...well...we went back to celebrate and had a few drinks, and I woke up a few hours later in a trash pile outside of the bar. Well, neither of us really remember what we found out..."

"Had a few drinks? This is important Holly, surely you wrote the information down."

"I did!" Said Holly "at least...erm...I think I did...I don't remember where though."

Artemis glanced at his watch. "Holly, I really should get going now. I'll be back by six."

"Where are you going?"

"I want to have a word with Foaly."

"Oh no you don't!" Holly said commandingly, "If you leave I'll be the only one here to make sure the Wizard children don't get caught by your parents!"

"I fail to see how that concerns me," Artemis said.

Holly tapped her foot impatiently, "Highest IQ, eh?"

Artemis paused to think about what Holly was getting at and than it clicked, "Oh," He nodded, "If you promise to see the children **safely** to their rooms I'll see it that 5 of the fairy gold is returned to you."

Holly thought about demanding more but knew that, for Artemis Fowl, this was a good offer, "Very well," She grumbled.

"Oh," Artemis said as he opened the door, "and if you fail I shall see to it that your LEP badge is terminated."

Holly gaped as Artemis left the room, that was way below the belt! How was she expected to help it if one of the wizards shot an illegal curse at her? She didn't doubt that any of this was out of Artemis's power, well, If it was her job that was on the line, she would have to play this honestly.

"Weeeee! Hahahaha!" Harry squealed as his hands slipped on the sloth grip for the seventh time and he went plunging into the pool below. His clothes were soaked and the rest of that room was flooded with puddles. "Accio Firebolt!" He exclaimed, his broom came zooming down half an inch above the water and he got on again. He sped his broom up near the ceiling, rolled over into a sloth like position and let his fingers unclench and his knees let go. "Weeee- Ahh!" He found that as soon as he had let go a force had apparently over taken his body to hold him upright. "What the-"

"Having fun, Potter?"

He recognized the voice of Holly Short but didn't see her.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"Here, with you, what, do you think you're just levitating by a wisp of cloud?"

"But you're , like, half my size!"

There was a shimmering in the air and Holly appeared a little above Harry, he was attached to her belt.

"Let me go!" He shot a nasty glare at her. She stuck out her tongue.

"Alright Mud boy, have it your way."

Holly let him fall from her belt and into the pool below.

He came up coughing, as he got out of the pool he muttered in a distressed tone. "Water up my nose, water up my nose!"

Holly landed next to him and handed him a towel. "Ok Mud boy, tell me, what are your friends like?"

"What? What do you care?" Harry asked, taken aback by this request. "What do you mean, 'what are they like'?"

"I mean, do they have hobbies, favorite foods, games they like to play?"

Harry scratched his head, of course he knew what his friends liked, it was this some what intimidating LEPrecon fairy thing that was confusing him, "You want to know what they like? Why?"

"Ok listen!" Holly hissed, grabbing Harry's towel and dragging him so that they were face to face, "My job is on the line, if I'm not as curteous and kind as a maid my badge could be taken away!"

"Oh..." Harry said, "Well, alright then. You'll have no trouble with Hermione, she's into saving short, underpaid, dirty elves, so you'll have no trouble there." Holly's fist clenched but she tried her best to calm down by thinking steadily to herself 'for your job, for your job, for your job....'

"And," Harry continued, "Ron really likes Hermione so...oh wait, nothing you can do about that one, erm , He enjoys wizarding chess, he's pretty good, I've got a set, you can learn to play. He also enjoys food, lots and lots of it, and he's always eager to get into a fight, yup, hey, when I say that out loud he sounds like a jerk, haha!"

Holly had taken out a pad of paper and a pen, a little low tech, but she didn't care. "Alright, anything else?"

"Erm..no, unless you include that calling anyone a mud blood is a serious offense,"

"For the last time potter, its mud BOY not Mud Blood!"

"Huh," Harry shrugged indifferently, "Same difference. Well, I suppose I can use this to my advantage, can't I?"

"What?" Holly snapped.

"All that I'm saying is that Ron REALLY wants a Firebolt, Like this-" He pointed at his broom, "All he's got is a lousy Cleansweep, it would make him happy."

"What? I don't have that kind of money!" Holly objected.

"Well who said it had to be your money?" Harry winked, "The way I see it, we're sitting on a gold mine."

"You mean that I ought to steal from Fowl?"

"Hey! He's the one that got extra security on his account and then forgot his credit card by the pool," Harry held up a credit card that he had dug out of his sopping robes, sure enough the Fowl child prodigy had just lost his edge.

"Oh my!" Holly said, "Excuse me, may I just have that credit card please?"

He handed it over and Holly took a close look at it. "Hang on!" She said, "This isn't Fowls! It says on the back that it belongs to some Tom Marvolo Riddle! That's not a rich name at all!" Harry watched as Holly took it to a trash can and then remembered something, "Wait!" He said, "Tom Riddle...that's....VOLDEMORT! But what's he doing here?"

Holly shrugged, the name Voldemort didn't have any affect on her.

"Well, does this Tom...er...Voldymort, have any money?"

"Doubtfully, I mean he doesn't really need money...but then again he's got a lot of supporters out there. I mean he's pretty famous-"

"Famous? Well he's got to have money then. Come on, lets go."

"Where?"

"The bank of course!" Holly said, grabbing Harry's hand and pulling him to the door. Harry froze.

"Holly! I can't do this- you can't do this. Are you mad!?!" He yanked his arm free and grabbed his wand from his pocket. Holly glared.

"Mud boy! You wanted this firebolt thing, now LETS GO!"

Harry sat down and motioned for Holly to sit also.

"Voldemort is the darkest wizard that the world has ever known! He killed my parents, he tried to kill me! He HAS killed hundreds of strong wizards. And YOU want to steal money from him!?! Don't you see? My history with him is bad enough, why make it worse?"

"Relax Potter. If you don't want it, then I won't do it. Just thought you'd like a little revenge. I mean if Voldy-guy wanted to hurt you I could put him under the mesmer and break his neck."

Harry thought for a moment about everything voldemort had done, and the prophecy. If he was really supposed to kill voldemort, then this would be the perfect chance.

"Ok..." he said cautiously. "But are you sure that the mesmer would work, I-"

"Harry! Oh Harry, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Harry suddenly found himself face to face with Hermione Granger.

(Hey! Hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I guess nothing much really happened but there's more to come.)


	5. More Guests

Hi reviewers, thanks to cocoaducks, nightxXxshade, and Keitorin Asthore, and yes, Gwendolyn, we were able to write the next chapter!

Gwendolyn: Yes this is Humor (actually read the story this time) and YES we already knew that there are about a million fanfic cross overs. Note sarcasm in the summary.

**Disclaimer: I definitely do NOT own any of the characters in this story.**

Anyhow, here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy.

Chap 5: More Guests

"Oi' Harry!" said Ron, Harry's best friend.

"Ron! Hermione! You're early, it's only- oh, five thirty. Right, well it's great to see you. How's the burrow Ron? Has Percy rejoined the family yet? Oh, this is Holly. She's a House elf."

Hermione's face took on a look of great sympathy, "I hope that the Fowls are paying you a decent wage."

"Not nearly decent enough..." Mumbled Holly under her breath.

"You're a house elf?" Asked Ron, eyeing up the short figure.

"No I am not!" snarled Holly. "I'm an LEPrecon officer, the name's Holly Short. I don't work for anybody but myself...and Root most of the time...and Artemis Fowl on occasion. But I am NOT a stupid House elf like that Dobby that Harry's always going on about!"

Ron took a step back from the now fuming elf.  
"Ok, fine." Holly turned her attention to Harry.

"Potter, are we gonna do this thing or not!?"

"Do what?" Hermione looked worried, for good reason, Harry was often doing stupid things and this was to be no exception.

"Rob the bank," Harry shrugged.

"Harry! You can't!" Hermione exclaimed. Even Ron looked bewildered.

"Yeah I can, its for revenge, I reckon I ought to do it, you know, just to get Ron his Firebolt and all."

"Revenge you say?" Ron said, "Well, if its for revenge." Holly could tell that this Ron character was warming up to the idea.

"But why?" Hermione asked, "Why do you need revenge?"

"Voldemort Killed my mum and dad!!!" Harry yelled.

Hermione and Ron both held blank expressions. "er.." Ron spoke up, "We knew that."

"No, I mean, We found Voldemort's credit card by the pool!" Harry said, "and we're going to rob his account!"

"Harry!" Hermione said "This is really serious, I mean, Voldemorts here! Doesn't that mean anything to you? This Fowl character could have teamed up with Voldemort, honestly, WHY DID YOU LET YOURSELF GET KIDNAPPED?"

Harry shrugged, it had seemed like a grand idea at the time. "I dunno," He muttered guiltily, "But hey! Holly's gonna use her mesmer thingy and we're going to snap Voldemort's 'filthy little neck'." Harry imitated something like wringing out a rag.

"Oh Harry," Hermione rolled her eyes, "Don't you think its been tried before, I mean, that would make defeating the dark lord easy, and what makes you think that Voldemort would really have a credit card account? Its probably a hoax."

"It looks real to me," Ron said, snatching the credit card from Holly's hands and studying it. "Of course, I've never seen one before, so I wouldn't really know. But it does say Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Outside there was the slamming of a car door and than the voice of Butler talking to Artemis. "Whoa," Ron said, "That big guy just dropped us off, how do you suppose he does everything so fast?"

"Voldemort!" Harry said.

"Oh Harry," Hermione crossed her arms, "That's your answer for everything!"

Artemis strode in and looked importantly at all of them. Ron burst into a fit of laughter which Harry desperately fought not to join. Artemis did appear some what comical being far shorter than Ron and yet wearing an Armani suit. "Hello," Artemis nodded, not in the least amused, "Hmm, you must be Ronald Weasley," Ron grimaced, Harry had the distinct feeling that his best friend did not appreciate being called Ronald. "and you," Artemis continued, looking at Hermione "are Miss Hermione Granger, pleased to make your acquaintance."

"Ok Fowl," Holly interrupted, "Their safe, see? They haven't been spotted and-"

"Oh ARTY!!!!" Rang the voice of Angeline Fowl, she and Artemis senior were both running down the hall. "Oh look darling!" She exclaimed as she neared them, "More guests!" She rounded both Ron and Hermione into a big hug, "Oh we're so happy that Artemis has friends!"

"Mum," Artemis said in an embarrassed tone, "Don't do that!"

"Er.." Hermione struggled out of Mrs. Fowl's grasp, "You're Artemis's parents?"

Artemis senior shot a stern look at his son. "Arty," He said, "You should have told us that we were having more guests,"

Artemis jr. looked at the floor.

"Now I need to inform the maid to put two more plates on the table!" He said in a suddenly joking tone. "Come in, come in!" He said to Harry's friends, "Are you from England too? Wow, I hope you're having a grand summer..." and so Artemis's parents talked on and on while leading Harry's friends around the house. Artemis grumbled under his breath, he was flushing deep red, which took great effort for such a pale boy. How was it that he, child mastermind and elusive criminal was, at this moment, having his hostages getting a tour of his mansion by his parents? Even he, with the highest IQ in Europe was having a hard time comprehending it. When the group had toured at least one fourth of the house, they decided to go down to dinner.

"Wha- No!" Artemis shouted looking at the far end of the table. They had just entered the north dining hall, and at the end of the very VERY long table, was Butler's sister, Juliet. Angeline looked from Juliet to Holly and back at Juliet.

"More...friends Artemis?" She asked. Artemis slapped a hand over his eyes and slouched down into a chair.

"er..." said Holly. "This is erm...my twin sister Juliet."

More confused glances, then Angeline smiled. "How wonderful!' and she clapped her hands together. Artemis was thankful that Juliet did not object through dinner. Afterwards Artemis led Harry, Hermione, Ron, Holly, Juliet, and Butler to the library to discuss what was going on.

"Juliet, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience but my parents saw Holly when we first arrived and I had to give them some explanation."

Juliet however was looking thoroughly confused.

"Holly? Wait, who's Holly? I mean the name sounds familiar but..."

Artemis suddenly smiled. Of course! Juliet hadn't had her mind un-wiped yet.

"Here Juliet. Look at this." The two walked over to a computer and Artemis put in a small disc. "You've had your mind wiped clear of a few memories. This disc should give you total recall." Then he left Juliet to look at the disc, although she did look somewhat skeptical. After a minute or so she sat down next to Artemis.

"Oh, I get it." She said.

"Yes..." said Artemis. "Thought you might, now you see how important it is that Holly keep your identity."

"This is some kind of Joke, isn't it Artemis." She laughed. "Faeries...elves? I'm not that stupid."

"Er..."

"And you wanted me to believe that this little girl over here was a full grown pixie or something." She said.

"I am NoT a pixie! Juliet, I'm Holly! Here." Holly put on her helmet and wings and floated in midair. Then she took the camoflauge foil and disappeared beneath it.

"Nice trick." Said Juliet. "You nearly got me too, but Artemis, just because you're a child genius doesn't mean that you can do this to people."

"What? Juliet! You've got to believe me! You saw the disc!" Artemis said, "Holly is really a faerie! There really is magic! Go on and show her, Harry!" Artemis commanded but Harry didn't move.

"I can't," He said, "Its against school rules."

"You had no trouble with it in my Limo!" Artemis huffed.

"What?" Hermione asked, "You performed magic?" Her voice was getting high pitched and anxious, "Out-"She was hyper ventilating, "of-" She was turning blue, "school grounds?" She finished and fell unconscious to the floor.

"What'd you do that for, Harry?" Ron said, he knelt down by Hermione and shook her until her eyes opened.

"I advise you not to do that, Mr. Weasley," Artemis said, "Butler will take her to her room. In the mean time Juliet, you really must take our word for it, Butler believes me, don't you, Butler?"

Butler nodded uneasily, "Er...yeah, kinda, I guess."

"What do you mean 'I guess'?"

"I mean that Juliet kind of has a point, it wouldn't take hardly anything for you to come up with a few images and make them into an LEPrecon officer."

"Just why would I do that? Here, could an image hit you?" He nodded at Holly who scowled and slapped Butler's leg.

"Holy shi-"Butler exclaimed, Artemis made a hissing noise.

"Not so loud."

"Its real!" Butler said to Juliet, "and that hurt!" He added to Holly.

Artemis huffed, "You can't tell me that you don't remember any of it? We had tons of adventures, lots and lots of them, Butler! You nearly died! Come on, and Juliet! You helped a lot with saving

Everybody, even..." His voice trailed off.

"Even what mudboy?" Asked Holly, she knew that Artemis found it hard to say that he needed help, so she cut in.

"Juliet, look at me. In the eyes, come on."

Juliet did so and Holly layered her voice with the mesmer.

"Could I do this if it wasn't magic?" she asked Juliet. Juliet simply nodded.

"What? Juliet, could I perform the mesmer if I was not an LEP elf?" She added more of the mesmer.

"Well, hypnotists do it all the time, big deal."

"Arrggghh!" said Holly, clenching her teeth. "Something's interfering with the mesmer."

_POP!_

Suddenly two red headed boys appeared next to Ron.


	6. The Weasley Triplets

**Sorry everybody, but this is the final chapter. Thank you mist and neutrino for your reviews. I'm sorry, but I don't go for the flirty stuff so I don't think I'll add any, sorry again. Also Holly said that Juliet was her twin because Artemis had already told his parents that Holly was Juliet, so they needed some sort of explanation. Thanks, and enjoy this next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters below.**

_POP!_

Suddenly two red headed boys appeared next to Ron.

"Sorry there." Said one. "Couldn't help ourselves." One was holding a wand and pointing it at Juliet, She was obviously not under the mesmer's power.

"Who are you?" Asked Artemis staring at the Identical twins.

"Not very inviting is he George." Commented one.

"Not really." Then turning his attention to Artemis "So you're the weird child mastermind?"

Artemis did not reply.

"I'm Fred and this is George." Said Fred, holding out his hand.

"Artemis Fowl." Said Artemis, although he did not shake hands with Fred.

"Fred! George! What are you doing here?" Asked Ron.

"Why Ron!" Said George, putting on a look of deep hurt. "Can't we look after our little brother? Besides, we heard that you went to stay with Mr. Moneybags himself! Time is Galleons little Ronnykins."

Artemis almost pitied the boy called Ron. He himself hated when people called him "Arty" or said something like "Artemis, isn't that a girl's name?" He suddenly felt that it was his duty to stick up for the red head (which was surprising for Artemis rarely stood up for anybody but himself.)

"You will not have ANY of my money." Said Artemis calmly. That was extent of his "standing up for other people" mood.

"certainly, certainly." Said George. "Why, you would need a reason to give us money."

"Don't do it!" Ron hissed at Artemis.

"Keep talking...George, was it not?" Said Artemis, ignoring the person that, just a minute ago, he had held deep sympathy for.

"Well, we hear that you're in a bit of a dilemma over the war and everything. We have inside information my friend. You see our parents work for the Order of the-"

"GEORGE!" Bellowed Ron, Harry and Hermione (who had just awoken when she'd heard the _POP!_)

"-the...er...Pizza! Heehee," Harry finished for his friend's siblings.

"The order of the Pizza?" Artemis asked, "Do I look stupid to you?"

Harry nudged Hermione "This is the part where we hear how smart he is." He grinned.

Artemis indeed continued as predicted. "I, Artemis Fowl the second, criminal master mind who has made millions off of a simple hacking device entirely made by me, have the-"

"Highest IQ in Europe and probably in the world!" Butler, Juliet, Holly and Harry finished with him.

"and," Artemis continued, pretending that he had not noticed them, "I find it hard to believe that a secret society in which wizards discuss the under goings of an under cover war between the people and the wizards is called 'the order of the pizza'"

"If I may," George stepped up, "Its actually called the order of the-"

"Pencil!" Fred filled in the blank,

"Fred!" George crossed his arms, "What, so now you're on their side?"

"Well, yes, you see, I know something that you don't...well you do, but you didn't know I knew it until now, in fact, I didn't know it until now but I might as well let you know that I know it now that I do, don't you think?"

George scratched his head in confusion.

"You're Lord Voldemort!" Fred pressed, "George and I may like our money here and there but we'd never hand out the Order of the Phoenix's name to the most evil child genius since Percy and no less tell him how the People and the Wizards are being plotted against to wage war with one another through the conniving hands of...you."

Artemis and Holly were both writing this down, one on a hand held computer and one on a pad of paper that she had used earlier.

Harry, Hermione and Ron followed the conversation with deep concern and Butler and Juliet played rock, paper, scissors, the plot didn't really catch their interest. "I could write a better plot than this," Juliet muttered and then was promptly deleted from the story.

_POP!_

"What was that? Oh MY GOD!?!" Shouted George looking at the figure that had just apparated by his side.

"Sorry, couldn't help ourselves- George? Why didn't you say the line with me?!? We've been working on this all morning!"

Everybody blinked at the second Fred that was standing next to George. "HOLY SHI-!" began everybody.

Artemis Hissed. "Not so loud!"

"I...I..." Said George pointing at the other Fred. "But there's two of you..."

"Actually." Said Holly. "There are three of you. Geeze, who came up with this sick twist?!?"

"Ah hah!' George said, "That's the real Fred, which means that you are Voldemort, The order never knew that you had been manipulating the People and the Wizards!"

"But thanks for the info!" Said the newly apparated Fred.

"Well, it may appear that I've lost this fight but what you have failed to see is that this is a revolving platform that we're standing on here, lets see who's who after we've mixed it up a little."

The space of floor that the Weasley triplets, were standing on began to revolve to the right, it started slow but increased in speed until the three of it's occupants were just red headed blurs.

"What idiot thought of building this?" Hermione scoffed. Artemis himself couldn't remember why he had put it in and 'failed' to answer the question. Eventually the floor came to a stop and it was apparent that the true Voldemort would not be giving up easily.

"Well that was unpleasant," Said one, striding towards Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Don't come any nearer!" Harry yelled.

'What? Harry, Its me, Fred."

At this point Butler got up and easily dragged the triplet back to the center of the room.

"We have to figure out which ones are the real Fred and George! But how?" Harry said.

"We'll ask questions," Hermione replied.

"that only the true Weasley twins would know the answer to," Artemis added.

"I've got one," Ron said, "You!" He pointed at one, "Who's my best friend?"

"Hermione of course, you talk about her all the time."

'What?" Harry asked angrily, Ron blushed,

"er...bad question," he admitted, "Why don't you have a go. Harry?"

"Er.. alright," Harry said, "How did I get the tri-wizard tournament money that I gave to you for your shop?"

"Tri-wizard tournament," They all said in unison, "It would help," added one, "If you didn't give away the answer in the question."

Hermione's turn, "What," She said clearly as if on a game show, "Was the name of Ron's pet rat?"

"Scabbers," Answered one,

"Scabbers," Answered another.

"My loyal servant Peter Pettigrew," answered the last, and then "oops,"

"Well," Hermione shrugged, "Technically their all right, this is harder than I thought,"

Artemis rolled his eyes, a feat that he was getting used to ever since he'd met Potter. "You idiots," He said, "The Fred that admitted to being Voldemort has been wearing different colored robes since he's gotten here, see? The real twins have been wearing a very loud color of lime green, where as this fellow decided on a sinister black, which," He added to the found out Voldemort, "I must ask, where did you get it?"

"Do you like it," The Voldy-Fred asked, "Its Armani,"

"Highest of quality," Artemis chuckled.

"-and expensive," Voldemort said, "Which reminds me, I left my credit card here this morning, I was swimming in your pool when Potter gave me quite a scare and I rushed out forgetting it, along with my towel. Would you happen to know where either of those are now?"

Harry was still sopping wet from his sloth-grip frenzy and guiltily got off of the towel he was sitting on, he held it up and then dug the credit card out of his pocket.

"You," Voldemort said as he snatched the items from Harry, "I'm supposed to kill you, aren't I?"

Harry felt his scar burn, "Ouch!" He said, "Can this wait until the end of the Hogwarts school year? I'm kind of ritual oriented, if you don't mind."

"No no," Voldemort said, the pain stopped, "That suits me fine, see ya next year!"

"Well," Holly said as Voldemort left, "I guess there's only one thing left to do,"

"Yes Captain Short, "Artemis nodded, "Take these," He was referring to Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred and George, "Home,"

Harry's heart sank, he had been rather looking forward to spending another cozy night at Artemis's, as they all filed into the Limo Harry asked "Is it possible that you could take me to the Burrow with Ron?"

"Well that would be rather confusing for you, wouldn't it?" Artemis chuckled, Harry drew a blank. "You won't be remembering any of this, Holly? I think its time for a mind wipe,"

"Wha-? 'n guys. We won't tell anyone and..."

"No no Mr. Potter. That just wouldn't do." He smiled evilly.

"He's got a point," said Hermione. "If we knew that him and Voldemort were working together then we'd most certainly tell Dumbledore the first chance we got."

"Working together!?!" cried Harry, Ron, Fred and George.

"Honestly!" said Hermione. "Didn't any of you work that out?!?" They all shook their heads.

"Yes, yes, well as interesting as that may be, we will still be performing the mind wipe. And Holly here is going to put you all under the mesmer and ask you a few questions. I hope that suits everybody, but you really don't have a choice."

Hermione, Harry, Ron, Fred and George all drew their wands. Then in an instant, Fred and George vanished, apparating to somewhere safe.

"FRED! GEORGE!" Bellowed Ron. "You can't leave us here!"

Artemis scowled. "I forgot about that. Holly, Butler. Disarm them."

Harry blasted Butler with a disarming spell. Guns, grenades, daggers, sprays, a sword, and throwing knives all jumped out of Butler's pockets. But this didn't even distract the bodyguard.

"You'll find that Butler is perfectly capable of ridding you of your wand with his bare hands." Commented Artemis

"Wingaurdium leviosa!" shouted Hermione, pointing her wand at the oncoming LEPrecon officer. This had little effect seeing as how Holly had already been in the air, but she was thrown back slightly.

"Listen." Said Holly, hovering in front of Hermione and Ron. "You can either come quietly and not be hurt, or you can struggle and if need be, I'll blow your brains out with this neutrino!" she held up an odd looking gun. Ron shivered.

"You can't!" said Hermione. "If we go missing then everybody will be suspicious! Face it! You need us, you need our information, and if you promise to lower your weapons then we'll promise tell you everything."

"Drop your weapons Holly, Butler." Said Artemis.

"But-" Protested Holly.

"Just do it! Ok Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, Potter, Have a seat." They all sat down in leather armchairs next to the library's fire place.

"Now let's begin with you three. You are now aware that you have walked carelessly into a trap, without research, caution or any other wariness. You have offered to talk freely, but I have no reassurance that you will not perform some ridiculous spell on us that could leave us defenceless. Hand over the wands, and we will continue peacefully."

Harry and Ron shrugged and handed over their wands immediately, Hermione however did not move.

"Fowl. I'm not as stupid as you make me out to be. Why would I hand over my wand?" Questioned Hermione. Ron and Harry took this as a hint and tried to retrieve their wands, but to no avail. Butler had already placed them in a safe, and Holly was guarding it.

"Exellent point Miss Granger, but now you are truly defenceless, even with that pathetic stick. You have under estimated Artemis Fowl. Why would I give you a chance to tell me possible lies and then go off and tattle to your headmaster? No no, that would maybe be something that Riddle would do, but not me. Holly, please continue with the mesmer." And then he added, somewhat regretfully "Goodbye, I shall regret this very much, but I see no other way."

Harry Potter awoke with his scar burning. He'd been having a strange dream with a faerie, and a boy, and a mountain of a man and...and Voldemort. But it was all fading very quickly. He sighed and put on his glasses. Glancing at the calendar he realized that today was his birthday. He congratulated himself looked at his desk where he saw 1...2...3....4 presents! He looked through them. The first two were from Ron and his Mother Mrs. Weasley. It came with a note.

_Dear Harry,_

_It's been ages since I've seen you and yet...it seems like only yesterday. Anyhow, mum says you can come to the burrow whenever you like. By the way, when are you going shopping for your school supplies? I need a new wand, I lost mine and mum's going nuts. Anyhow, I was hoping that if you don't come to the burrow then we could meet there. Happy Birthday, enjoy your gifts._

_-Ron_

Harry smiled and read the next letter which was from Hermione. It was very similar to Ron's except...

_Dear Harry,_

_I've talked to Ron. I'm going to stay with him at the burrow for the last week of summer break. I hope you'll come too. Ron and I are going shopping for new wands too, hope that you'll join us. Have a very Happy Birthday and enjoy all of your presents. And I hope you haven't forgotten everything that that Fowl kid did. I've already contacted Dumbledore I... _

The writing changed.

..._Hermione would like to say that she is very sorry that she could not finish her letter to you. Happy Birthday, _

_-Holly Short...er...Hermione Granger._

Harry shrugged, he personally didn't care where the present had come from so long as it was his to keep. He dug into the last present and found...an Armani suit. He stared at it with disgust and threw it into Hedwig's cage as bedding.

The note was from "Anonymous "

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_I do hope that you enjoy the gift. It did, after all, cost me over a thousand pounds (A/N ...Not sure how mush they cost). It's your size and I hope that you will take good care of it and wear it at your school. I regret that we could not be friends but I'm afraid that it wouldn't work out with the war and all. If anybody finds that I've written to you they will be very angry, but what can they do to Artemis Fowl the second... I mean... anonymous? Happy Birthday. _

Harry reread the letter and threw that also into the cage.

"Lousy presents." He muttered.

The End

So how was it? I realize that the Fred, Fred and George situation is somewhat confusing, so here's a little info on it. The Voldy-fred said that George was Voldemort so that nobody would blame him, which confused everybody. There you go, is that a good enough explanation? If you have anymore questions then please email me at . I'll be happy to answer any questions, and please REVIEW!

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